From the “Breaka You Face” Department: I Know What Really Happened to Stephen Colbert
I haven’t caught up with this week’s episodes of the Colbert Report yet, but I saw the news item about Stephen and his facial injury. Colbert hasn’t said what exactly happened but speculation has run the gamut from he got tangled in a Pier 56 brawl (and lost) to smashing watermelons with his head to “practicing for a walk-on role in Cirque du Soleil and overestimating the number of French Canadians my forehead would support.”
But I know what really happened.
Come closer.
Lemme tell you.
Stephen was trying to fly.
No, really. See, Mr. Colbert was driving on a desolate section of New Jersey highway last Saturday and his car broke down. Unbeknownst at the time another driver had a disabled vehicle not far away.
Their paths would cross as Stephen, trying to get to a telephone (because his iPhone wouldn’t work), would come upon this other disabled driver. The driver was an FBI agent and he grumbled something about “damn gubmint equipment…”
Then, out of the sky, came a strange light.
An alien light.
A spaceship.
Panicked, Stephen and the FBI man sought cover in the Federally issued Crown Vic, where the doors locked on their own. Trapped in the car, the two men could do nothing more than watch as this spaceship decended down before them.
The aliens, however, meant no harm. They had a gift that they wished to bestow upon Stephen Colbert. A supersuit, which would grant Stephen access to unearthly powers. Powers to be used to save humanity and fight the good fight with the specially chosen FBI agent.
As if Stephen isn’t doing enough of saving humanity with his television show, now he has a supersuit to go with it.
After delivering the suit, the aliens departed. The Federal agent, sufficiently spooked, took off like a shot once his car started again, leaving Stephen alone in the middle of a desolate section of New Jersey highway carrying the special black box the suit was in. It even had an instruction book….
Which Stephen promptly lost.
But a supersuit! Unearthly powers! Wait a minute…does that mean…?
Yes.
Stephen could fly.
And knowing this, Stephen had to try it out for himself.
He crashed landed a few times, thus the injury to his handsome face. But he’ll get the hang of it in no time. And with help from that specially chosen FBI agent, humanity will be saved.
There’s no doubt as to the potential and possibilities having this suit will bring. The only question that remains is…
Stephen Colbert: Great American Hero? Or…
The Greatest American Hero?
No commentsNews & Commentary
So the “Capital City Gazette” had the following two front page stories in the paper today:
The first: New Grads Arrested On School Roof.
Two recent grads of the local highschool were caught breaking into the middle school. One of them apparently urinated in one of the classrooms. The other stole a flag. Both had apparently been drinking.
The second, situated right next to the first one: Wall St. Execs Face Charges in Credit Crisis, Two from Bear Sterns Handcuffed, Arrested.
I think that’s pretty self explanitory. Two hedge fund managers are being charged, criminally, with fraud in relation to the funds they managed that collapsed in the wake of the subprime mortgage fiasco. They misled investors, saying everything was rosey, when they knew otherwise. They even made sure to pull their own money out of the funds before the collapse.
Somewhere in my deviously peverted mind, I found this amusing. Two schmucks who probably barely squeaked by to graduate are off to a great start in life. Meanwhile, two schmucks who probably barely squeaked out their own money from those hedge funds before they collapsed are off to a great finish in life. In a sense, the two Wall St. execs pee’d on the other investors and stole their flag too.
Congratulations fellas.
No commentsEmbedded YouTube Clips Are a Pain in the Butt
Either that or I just went overboard with the things in my previous post about Robert Culp. Think it was too much? Can’t understand why that woulda been too much…
Anyway, I’ve pulled the clips out of that post (and the Hawaii Five-0 one as well) but left the direct links in and I’m probably just going to do it that way from now on if I post anymore clips from YouTube. Or…I’ll just post one embedded clip instead of, um, five to ten. What was happening was it was taking forever for my blog to load because of all the clips. And this is with a broadband connection.
So, if I expect to have folks reading my blog I can’t have them waiting until the cows come home for the thing to load. And frankly, dealing with the code for the clips was a pain too, as half the time the clips didn’t show or the code would get hosed when I published the post and there’d be nothing there but a blank box.
So that’s enough of that. I’ll stick with screen caps and smarmy commentary from now on.
Such as the following…
That’s .65 cents per gallon for gas! Oh to be back in those days eh? I’m thinking the Dukes would go broke now just trying to keep the General filled up with fuel…at $3.19 (or more) a gallon. Cue up the old Jerry Reed record, son, we got the Crude Oil Blues…
No commentsRamblings and Distractions II: Robert Culp
As mentioned in a previous post, along with Hawaii Five-0 I’ve been on a Robert Culp bent. Only this has gone from just a bent to full blown fanaticism. (As in, damn this guy is good. How come I’m just finding his stuff now?!). It started with watching his appearance on Columbo and it snowballed from there. I have watched various YouTube clips repeatedly. (See below). It got so bad, however, that I broke one of my semi-cardinal rules: Don’t buy any DVDs prior to my birthday, which was this past week. The idea being, that the odds are, that somebody might get me the same DVD.
Well, I broke down and bought the first season of The Greatest American Hero last weekend. And no, nobody got me that DVD for my birthday more or less because nobody really knew that this bent took such a turn. Heh! Anyway, ever heard the expression “You had me at hello?” Bill Maxwell had me at “If you’re looking for trouble, you just found the West Coast distributor.”
Kheeehaaa….
I’m also itching to get I Spy on DVD…which comes out later this month. There’s three episodes on YouTube (although not totally complete. Pieces are cut out between the various parts) and I like what I saw. I especially love this segment from the episode “A Cup of Kindness.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32q_pNpdmJw
My personal favorites are when he goes sliding down the length of the countertop, the guy getting stuffed into the desk, the hammer toss and the swinging from the overhead light. Khee!
Other Robert Culp YouTube favorites include…
Guest appearance on Get Smart…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgS6bO8g0Dg
BAHAHAHA! “No more booze for you…”
A “trailer” if you will, for the 1973 made-for-tv film “Outrage”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msQDaf6hwZI
Apparently, from what I’ve read, when he “takes matters into his own hands” he burns the hotrods to the ground! Now I love cars but the kids in this movie look like real jerks. I think I gotta find this movie just to watch him go berserk and cheer him on!
Greatest American Hero “Promo” Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2URTFhzOhc
“You can’t do that.” “I can’t?!”
And it’s that GAH vid that basically sent me right over the line.
And, in addition to finding the YouTube stuff, what would the point of having a bent go into fanaticism if I didn’t try to find pics?! Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to find decent, good sized images of Mr. Culp on the web?! Blaugh! There either too small, or they’re grainy or they’re distorted or they fall under the “WTF?” category. I’ve seen better photos from a old Polaroid than what I’ve found on the web. Then, a friend of mine sent me a link to a GAH forum board and I found somewhat better images there. However, the images in this post were done by me. Of course, I’ve only done caps from one GAH episode. And I practically capped every second he was on the screen! See? This is bad! And did I mention this is all Jack’s fault?!
But oh so much fun!
1 commentRamblings and Distractions: Hawaii Five-0
Well I have no idea what the hell I was going to do for a Part Two in my More Catchup With That? series. I think I was gonna yap about getting a new laptop and basically complaining about the speed at which technology changes. It’s too damn fast. I’ve had this new laptop now for a month and I’m sure there’s something about it that’s already obsolete.
Anyway, been awhile since I last posted, although I did update my other blog. And I realized that I never introduced y’all to my other blog! You can click on the icon on the right there that says “livejournal blog.”
Basically, it’s going to be a blog about writing, while this one will continue to be about various topics. I posted a few rants about the writer’s strike to it and now that the strike is long over I have to find more important writing related things to blog about. So I wrote an entry about muses and trying to find the actor or actress who could be or could have been a created character.
In the meantime, I seem to be totally lacking in focus lately. And I can’t blame Jack on this one, I don’t think. It might be because I had a cold last week and although I’m pretty much over it I can’t seem to get back into the swing o’ things. I haven’t updated this blog for awhile, I haven’t worked on any of my various projects, writing or otherwise. It could also be because of this new laptop computer. I’m still getting used to it and getting all the appropriate programs set up on it and everything and I guess I still feel a little “off” with the machine. I love the machine, don’t get me wrong, it’s super fast and now I can do things a little quicker than before. Which will be great…when I think of something to do!
Ah well, I’m sure I’ll get back into the swing of things soon. In the meantime, as evidenced by the other blog post I’ve been on a Hawaii Five-0 bent lately. Also Robert Culp, but I’ll save that for the next blog. (Hmm…but I haven’t been able to focus on much else and I ended up on those bents because of Jack. Whattya know, I can blame him afterall!) So where do you go when you wanna see clips of a show that you ain’t got on DVD or isn’t currently on television? YouTube of course!
Buuuuut…YouTube, unfortunately, hasn’t much for Five-0 vids. Most of it’s the show’s intro/theme song. There’s a good portion of an episode called “Highest Castle, Deepest Grave” but the segments are posted up with weird “titles.” For example, one segment of the episode is titled “Steve & Danno” by the contributor. Danno ain’t in the scene at all.
So I’ve seen most of the episode, out of order. I found the beginning, then I found the end, then I found a couple of pieces in the middle.
The complete randomness of Five-0 clips that are posted is especially frustrating in the following clip. This is the intro to the two hour premier of the 1976 season.
WTF?! McGarrett?!?! AHHHH!!!!!
Man! I wanna know who the hell thought it would be funny to post that lil’ teaser. I think they posted it just for the theme music, to which I say “You coulda just posted the theme music!” It’ll be awhile before that shows up on a DVD (I believe that’s the 9th season, 4th season is to be released in June of ‘08) so you can imagine I’m a little preturbed. I shouldn’ta even watched.
Then there’s some fun Five-0 themed vids. Such as this one, taking the show’s intro and using the Miami Vice theme song instead.
Woah. Now I dunno about you, but I think that is cool the way the music lines up with the footage so well! Now somebody just needs to put the Five-0 theme music with the Vice intro footage.
Here’s one for Brian. Supernatural Five-0!
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No wonder McGarrett threw himself off that boat in that first clip above.
One thing is obvious after all of this, however. I’m gonna have to start getting the DVDs…
Stay tuned for more distractions, this time from Robert Culp!
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