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Man, I don’t know about you, but I’ve got more passwords to remember than Carter has liver pills. Passwords for email, voicemail, ATM, online banking (which I blow up everytime), eBay, PayPal, all my websites, HNet, shopping sites….the list is endless.

It seems now that everything we touch has to have a password or ID code. The other day, as I walked to my car in the parking lot of the grocery store, I noticed I was parked next to one of those new fangled cars with the keyless entry. You know, they got the little number pad near the door handle? And I wondered if folks who have this kind of car ever forget their codenumber? And then what do they do? Call AAA? And end up with a Bubba’s Autowrecking Service towtruck coming out (three hours later) and smashing the window out so they can get into the car?

Is keyless entry really worth that? Especially if after they get the window fixed they realize they still don’t know their code and end up locking themselves out of the car again?

I’ll stick to my 20 year old Firebird thankyouverymuch.

But passwords are everywhere. And it amazes me that tech security gurus advise us not to use things like birthdates or names or some such combination (something we could actually remember!), but to use something that somebody else won’t so easily figure out. Problem is, in trying to be good tech citizens and adhere to that advice, we inadvertently come up with passwords that we can’t so easily figure out.

Various websites of course will have a password reminder or reset question, for those times when you forget your password. But then what do you do when you can’t remember the answer to the reset question? Or, in my case, you don’t answer the question the EXACT same way as when you established the answer to begin with?

For example, a common reset question is “What was your first car?”

Your answer is “1973 Ford Pinto.” And that’s exactly what you have to type for you answer. Variations of that answer won’t work. Such as…

“‘73 Ford Pinto.”

“1973 Pinto.”

“Early 70’s DeathBox!”

“Early 70’s Dude (or Chick) Repellent!”

“That $&*(#!%ing Ford Pinto that I hated with a passion!”

“Whattya mean that’s not the right answer?! I oughta know what the hell my first car was! I’m not proud but how could anyone forget a butt ugly car like that?!” 

ARGH! Now we gotta chose the “I’m Stupid And Can’t Remember *%&#$! So Please Email Me What The Hell I Need To Know” option where your password is reset and a notification is sent to the email address you signed up with.

But wait!! You’ve changed email providers! You don’t have that email account anymore! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! #$%*&*!!!

By this point you feel like doing your own AAA fix and smashing a crowbar through your computer screen.

Unfortunately, I have no good advice about remembering passwords. To be honest, all of mine are written down in a notebook, protected in a steel reinforced concrete bunker with six layer security entry, including armed guards, passwords, retinal scan and use of a decoder ring.  

And guess what? I lost my decoder ring, the lasic surgery screwed up my eye and I can’t remember the passwords. And the armed guards won’t let me in even though they know who I am and I bring them donuts every day!