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Who the hell is Pete Doherty? And why is it he seems to be a constant topic in the celebrity gossip page of my local newspaper?

This much I know: He’s the lead singer of a band I’ve never heard of called Babyshambles. Otherwise, all I know about the poor guy is he’s got severe drug problems and has had various run ins with the law. He’s also Kate Moss’s boyfriend and they were rumored to have married on New Year’s Day 2007 in Thailand. Moss’s people quickly put the kibosh on that rumor. Doherty’s people…well, I have no freakin’ idea. Does he even have “people”?

Anyway, so who the hell is Pete Doherty? I’ll admit I’m not the most up to date on contemporary pop culture, but I don’t live under a rock. I have a television, I listen to the radio, I read the news, I have access to the internet and I do go to the grocery store where I look at the magazine covers and tabloid trash in the check out aisle that scream at me for attention. BRITNEY! PARIS! JESSICA! LINDSAY!

Oh man, WHO GIVES A *$&#!*%!

I mean, really. I’ve decided that if you’re more prominent on the celebrity trash mags of the day, then you are in anything else, your career is over. Finished. Done. Unless you’re Paris Hilton, who’s entire career was born out of being featured on the trash mags and celebrity gossip columns anyway. And get this! Do you know what her claim to fame is? She’s heir to a freakin’ hotel chain. Wowwwwwww! She’s made a CD that apparently nobody’s listening to and did a TV show that very few watched. But the press is just falling all over themselves to get a picture and know every last thing she’s doing!

And I’m working my 9 to 5 job because…ah, well because I’m not skinny enough and I don’t have blonde hair apparently. And I’m not the heir to a multi-million dollar hotel chain. Damn. I wonder if I could apply to be Tom Bodet’s heir? (Okay, he doesn’t own the Motel 6 chain but I think you get my drift.)

Anyway, back to this Pete Doherty dude. Is he anybody I should give a hoot in hell about when there’s a story about him in the celebrity gossip column of my local newspaper? Cripes, he’s been featured enough times I was beginning to wonder what I was missing. Is Babyshambles the next new Beatles? Were they taking the world by storm, selling millions of albums and burning up the charts before the young Mr. Doherty succumbed to the evils of drug use and had the long arm of the law yanking him up by the collar? Should I be putting my entire life on hold to catch up on who he is and this band? I mean, if my local “Capital City Gazette” keeps featuring him in the celebrity section, he must be somebody right?

Well, no. He’s not. According to wikipedia…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babyshambles

Doherty’s claim to fame is merely the fact that he’s had drug troubles and run ins with the law. Wow! Here’s a guy’s whose poster I gotta put on my wall! Here’s a band whose records I should probably buy because it looks like it’s a miracle they actually record any albums to begin with, considering they sometimes don’t show up for their live shows, or Doherty is stoned out of his freakin’ mind and he smashes guitars on stage.

Yawwwwnnnn. Y’know The Who did all that 40 years ago. Been there, done that, please find something different to do.

Anyway, I figure actual completed records from this band must be rare. So they may be collector’s items someday.

Just like Paris Hilton’s CD. Collecting dust in the bargain bin at the local Wal-Mart.

By the way, classy looking guy eh? And what’s with that hat? Who does he think he is, John Lennon?

Not even close. And frankly, never will be.